I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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