My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
