wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize