Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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