I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
