maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
