Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
