Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
