yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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