I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
