Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
