It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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