remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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