I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
