There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
