So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
