very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
