she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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