dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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