My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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