I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
