Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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