got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
