On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
