Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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