2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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