she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
