i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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