FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
