Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
