You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
