i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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