I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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