HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
