All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
