I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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