I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
