I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
