ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
