4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
