Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
