I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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