atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize