Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
