I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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