For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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