shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
