My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
