We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
