I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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