Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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