its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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