I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
