Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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