The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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