im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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