Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will pee on everything he values.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
