Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
