I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
