Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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