Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
