my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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