Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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