Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize