im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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