I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
