last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
