I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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