roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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