I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
