help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
