Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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